This is going to be difficult to write because it's difficult stuff to talk about and my thoughts are all over the place, but here I go. I'm not doing well mentally. Physically I'm doing pretty well. Mentally I'm completely unstable. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
My therapist always tries to normalize my condition. She will say, "Everyone feels the things you do, you just feel them on extreme levels." And I guess she's right. But how am I supposed to explain to someone without bipolar how things like death impact me mentally and emotionally. Not just personal death. Any death. Seeing deer dead on the back of a truck. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Since I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I admire all of the women in my family who have raised, and are currently raising, amazing children. Back when I actually had friends, during school I was always the "mom" of the group. I was always making sure everyone was safe and happy and healthy. Today, I call myself cat mom and dog mom. And after talking to Ben over the past couple of months, I think I am ready to actually be a mom. *CLICK FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Today marks 1 year of marriage for Ben and I. What has marriage taught me so far? Patience. To be humble. Laundry is a never-ending task. Puppy dog eyes don't always work. That it is possible for someone to truly love me, even though I'm a total mess. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
And the coup de grâce... I frolicked around the woods in my underwear today. I had a boudoir photo shoot with my favorite photographer Emily. She did Ben and I's wedding and she makes it so easy. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Thursday, I had what I guess you would call a flare-up of my bipolar, perhaps manic, I'm not completely sure. I woke up extremely irritable. I woke up just not myself at all. I felt like a different person.
Today I was able to speak in church about the importance of suicide awareness and prevention. Please take a listen.