Way Harder Than I Was Expecting

This is going to be difficult to write because it's difficult stuff to talk about and my thoughts are all over the place, but here I go. I'm not doing well mentally. Physically I'm doing pretty well. Mentally I'm completely unstable. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*

Manically Entering 2019

Most people who have a basic understanding of bipolar disorder understand mania to be a "euphoric" state. This is NOT correct. Yes, sometimes we do feel euphoric and like superheroes that can't die which is super dangerous. But there is so much more to it than that. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*

Madness

I start with everything I'm failing at. I tell her all about the dishes in the sink I'm not doing, the laundry I'm neglecting, how I should be on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor making sure it's spotless and smells perfect before Ben gets home. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*

Sensitivity

My therapist always tries to normalize my condition. She will say, "Everyone feels the things you do, you just feel them on extreme levels." And I guess she's right. But how am I supposed to explain to someone without bipolar how things like death impact me mentally and emotionally. Not just personal death. Any death. Seeing deer dead on the back of a truck. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*

Let the Crap Show Begin!

Since I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I admire all of the women in my family who have raised, and are currently raising, amazing children. Back when I actually had friends, during school I was always the "mom" of the group. I was always making sure everyone was safe and happy and healthy. Today, I call myself cat mom and dog mom. And after talking to Ben over the past couple of months, I think I am ready to actually be a mom. *CLICK FOR FULL BLOG POST*

Still Bipolar

Thursday, I had what I guess you would call a flare-up of my bipolar, perhaps manic, I'm not completely sure. I woke up extremely irritable. I woke up just not myself at all. I felt like a different person.

Stuck in the Labyrinth of Rage

When thinking about bipolar symptoms, anger is often overshadowed by mania and depression. I think that this anger or rage isn’t spoken about by people with my disorder much because it feels shameful. The things that happen when I am suddenly having an episode of rage are tough to talk about and embarrassing but if I don’t talk about it who will? *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*

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