This is going to be difficult to write because it's difficult stuff to talk about and my thoughts are all over the place, but here I go. I'm not doing well mentally. Physically I'm doing pretty well. Mentally I'm completely unstable. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Since I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I admire all of the women in my family who have raised, and are currently raising, amazing children. Back when I actually had friends, during school I was always the "mom" of the group. I was always making sure everyone was safe and happy and healthy. Today, I call myself cat mom and dog mom. And after talking to Ben over the past couple of months, I think I am ready to actually be a mom. *CLICK FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Since then I have trouble with my body image. I'm always asking Ben what he wants me to wear, how he wants my hair, does he want me to wear makeup and if so how much. It's ridiculous really. But I can't help it. My brain is now wired to think and feel these things. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Today marks 1 year of marriage for Ben and I. What has marriage taught me so far? Patience. To be humble. Laundry is a never-ending task. Puppy dog eyes don't always work. That it is possible for someone to truly love me, even though I'm a total mess. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
And the coup de grâce... I frolicked around the woods in my underwear today. I had a boudoir photo shoot with my favorite photographer Emily. She did Ben and I's wedding and she makes it so easy. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Thursday, I had what I guess you would call a flare-up of my bipolar, perhaps manic, I'm not completely sure. I woke up extremely irritable. I woke up just not myself at all. I felt like a different person.
Suicide Prevention Month is hard for me. I want to be positive the whole time but it gets to me. Not just feeling sad for those we have lost, but also remembering the times I tried to take my own life. So instead, here is my wonderful husband. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
When thinking about bipolar symptoms, anger is often overshadowed by mania and depression. I think that this anger or rage isn’t spoken about by people with my disorder much because it feels shameful. The things that happen when I am suddenly having an episode of rage are tough to talk about and embarrassing but if I don’t talk about it who will? *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*