Most people who have a basic understanding of bipolar disorder understand mania to be a "euphoric" state. This is NOT correct. Yes, sometimes we do feel euphoric and like superheroes that can't die which is super dangerous. But there is so much more to it than that. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
I start with everything I'm failing at. I tell her all about the dishes in the sink I'm not doing, the laundry I'm neglecting, how I should be on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor making sure it's spotless and smells perfect before Ben gets home. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
My therapist always tries to normalize my condition. She will say, "Everyone feels the things you do, you just feel them on extreme levels." And I guess she's right. But how am I supposed to explain to someone without bipolar how things like death impact me mentally and emotionally. Not just personal death. Any death. Seeing deer dead on the back of a truck. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Since I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I admire all of the women in my family who have raised, and are currently raising, amazing children. Back when I actually had friends, during school I was always the "mom" of the group. I was always making sure everyone was safe and happy and healthy. Today, I call myself cat mom and dog mom. And after talking to Ben over the past couple of months, I think I am ready to actually be a mom. *CLICK FOR FULL BLOG POST*
I've been depressed. Pretty deeply depressed. The kind where I only leave the house to go to work because I can't even get out of bed. This being said, I haven't had the energy, motivation, or imagination to write a decent blog post for you guys. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Since then I have trouble with my body image. I'm always asking Ben what he wants me to wear, how he wants my hair, does he want me to wear makeup and if so how much. It's ridiculous really. But I can't help it. My brain is now wired to think and feel these things. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Today marks 1 year of marriage for Ben and I. What has marriage taught me so far? Patience. To be humble. Laundry is a never-ending task. Puppy dog eyes don't always work. That it is possible for someone to truly love me, even though I'm a total mess. *CLICK IMAGE FOR FULL BLOG POST*
Thursday, I had what I guess you would call a flare-up of my bipolar, perhaps manic, I'm not completely sure. I woke up extremely irritable. I woke up just not myself at all. I felt like a different person.