I’m Terrified But It’s Going To Be Ok

I haven’t blogged in a bit because I wasn’t sure how to share what has been going on in my life. I’ve had a fairly rough week mentally and physically.

Thursday I had a major episode of psychosis. It was the kind where I can’t tell what is real or if I’m real. It ended terribly and I’m not really ready to talk about it yet. All I know is psychosis is real and scary and I hate it.

I also have been having gastro problems. I was at the ER getting fluids because I couldn’t eat or drink for days. I’ve lost weight. Today I was able to eat more so I’m hoping whatever it was is passing but I still have bloodwork and imaging being done to make sure it’s nothing serious.

Ben and I are closing on our house tomorrow and I’ve started to box up our stuff and for whatever reason, it’s making me very sad.

Here’s what I know right now:

  • Life is hard
  • Mental illness sucks
  • Physical illness sucks
  • I may never be able to cut up strawberries again
  • Ben is the strongest person I know
  • Having an understanding boss is priceless
  • My family is everything to me
  • Moving is stressful
  • Talking on the phone with doctors makes me want to throat punch someone
  • Adventure Time makes me happy
  • I still enjoy embroidery
  • I’m turning 25 soon and still have no plan for my quarter-life crisis
  • I’m terrified but it’s going to be ok

Ben helps me through it all. I asked him to do airplane the other night and he agreed. He is my everything and I’m so blessed to have someone to live life with.


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